Over the past few weeks, I've been working on a new health-related project.
As part of that process, I've spent a lot of time reading research, listening to podcasts, and exploring what drives people to make positive changes in their lives.
One theme keeps appearing in different forms.
We often assume that if something is good for us, we'll naturally want to do it.
But that's clearly not true.
Most people know that exercise is good for them. Most people understand the benefits of healthy eating, quality sleep, stronger relationships, learning new skills, and spending less time glued to a screen.
Knowledge isn't usually the problem.
The challenge is that there's often a gap between what we know would improve our lives and what we actually feel motivated to pursue.
While reflecting on this, I found myself coming back to two simple questions.
The first is easy to answer.
The second is far more interesting.
And the gap between them might explain a lot. So, let me ask:
What Do You Want? And What Do You Wish That You Wanted?
Most people can answer the first question fairly quickly. What do you currently want?
The second question is often much harder. What do you wish that you wanted?
It's an unusual question, but it's one of the most revealing questions I've come across, and that’s because sometimes there's a gap between what we know would be good for us and what we're actually motivated to pursue.
For example, you might wish that you wanted to exercise more. You know the benefits. You understand the impact it would have on your health, energy, and confidence. Yet when the alarm goes off at 6 am, your desire to stay in bed wins the argument.
Or perhaps you wish that you wanted to spend more time networking.
You know that relationships open doors. You know that business is built on trust and connection. Yet somehow there always seems to be something more urgent on the to-do list.
Maybe you wish you wanted to read more books or spend less time on your phone. Or be more disciplined with your finances or finally start the project you've been talking about for years.
The list doesn't really matter. What matters is recognising that there are often things we believe would improve our lives, yet we don't feel a strong pull towards doing them.
The same applies in business.
Many entrepreneurs say they want growth, but what they actually want is certainty.
They want the rewards that growth brings without the discomfort that growth often requires.
They want more success without more responsibility, and in many ways, that's completely understandable.
The challenge is that our actions tend to follow our genuine wants, not our idealised ones.
The Honesty Test
If someone followed you around for the next 30 days and observed your behaviour, what would they conclude you really want?
Not what you say you want, nor what sounds impressive. And certainly not what you think you should want.
What would your calendar, your bank statements, your habits, and your attention reveal?
It's a question worth sitting with, because our priorities are often hidden in plain sight.
We can convince ourselves that we want one thing while consistently investing our time and energy in something else.
I've certainly done it. There have been times when I've convinced myself I was waiting for the right moment, when in fact I was avoiding the discomfort of getting started.
Most of us are far better at explaining our behaviour than examining it, and that's why this question matters so much, because it forces us to look at what we're actually pursuing rather than what we'd like to believe we're pursuing.
The Gap Is Where Growth Happens
The most interesting space is often the gap between the two answers:
What you want now, and what you wish that you wanted.
That gap highlights where your aspirations and your instincts aren't quite aligned.
It points to the habits you haven't yet built, the beliefs you haven't yet challenged, or the identity you haven't yet fully embraced.
The goal isn't to judge yourself for having that gap; it's to understand it.
Ask yourself:
Because when you start exploring those questions, you often discover that the issue isn't laziness, lack of ambition, or a shortage of opportunities; it's something deeper.
Why We Don't Want the Things We Say We Want
Most of us assume that if something is good for us, we should naturally want it, but that's rarely how human beings work.
Many of us want immediate rewards because it is the way our dopaminergic pathways are programmed, and many of the things that create the biggest long-term benefits offer very little short-term satisfaction, for example:
In many cases, the thing we wish we wanted is simply the thing that asks us to pay a price we'd rather avoid.
Chris Williamson, host of the Modern Wisdom podcast, has a line that I've come back to repeatedly:
"The magic you're looking for is in the work you're avoiding."
It's uncomfortable because it's often true. Sometimes the gap between where we are and where we want to be isn't a lack of knowledge; it's a reluctance to engage with the discomfort attached to the solution.
We might tell ourselves we need a better plan or more time, but often, we already know what needs to happen; we just don't yet want it badly enough. Or perhaps more accurately, we don't want the discomfort that comes with it, and that's an important distinction.
Final Thoughts
The older I get, the more I think success is less about goal-setting and more about alignment:
Because eventually, your life becomes a reflection of what you repeatedly choose, not what you repeatedly intend.
So, here's a worthwhile exercise.
Write down three things you currently want.
Then write down three things you wish you wanted.
Don't rush the answers; the second list might reveal more than the first.
And if there's a significant gap between the two? Then perhaps that's not something to fix immediately; perhaps it's simply something to understand, because awareness is often the first step towards change. Not because it tells you where you are, but because it shows you where you've been avoiding looking.
What do you currently want?
And what do you wish that you wanted?
The answers might tell you more about your future than any business plan ever could.
If these questions have given you something to think about, you're not alone.
Many of the conversations I have through mentoring aren't about tactics, strategies, or productivity hacks; they're about gaining clarity, understanding what you really want and identifying what's holding you back.
Sometimes the biggest breakthroughs don't come from finding new answers. They come from asking better questions.
If you'd like support exploring those questions and creating a clearer path forward, I'd love to help. Contact me today to arrange an introductory call about mentorship.
